Exemplified - Like A Rainbow

Greetings, avid readers! My controversial thoughts are brought to you by Montel Williams!

Here's a side note: talk show ratings have never been higher!

With that out of the way, let’s change gears and shift into the main subjects of today!

First things first, the weather. And once again, we are experiencing déjà vu. More grey skies up above, and the winds still tingle with chilly air. We were also fortunate to be dusted with a small amount of snow for a short while, even if it faded almost as quickly…SAD FACE.

I’ve expected to see about 10 centimetres of snow at this point. Says my good buddy Will about if we should have received the snow days and school cancellations that places such as Cottage Country, Buffalo, and parts of Europe had been gifted, “Yes. Yes. Yes.” This was followed by discussing string theory with a physics teacher, and comparing moustaches with him.

Needless to say, the physics teacher won.

Christmas Countdown: 22 Days! You know the routine by now. Advent Calendars, World Juniors, Christmas parties, Chocolate, and so on. It’s kind of like the seemingly endless shopping lists that your mom expects you to remember. Just keep in mind - NEVER forget the chocolate. Because, if you do, I would begin to fear for your life at this very moment.

We don’t want this happening over the holidays. Nobody does.

It’s moments like these that are exemplified in my mind, and thus are expressed for all to see, kinda like the seven colors of the rainbow! Now, let’s explore some of the hot issues and events that occurred this past week:

Yesterday, the host countries for both the 2018 and the 2022 FIFA World Cup were determined in the supposed centre of neutrality of Earth, a.k.a Switzerland. Yet there was anything but neutral decision making for both England and the United States.

Turns out money was all it took for, of all countries, Qatar to earn (or purchase) the rights to the 2022 edition. As you might have expected, this hasn’t gone over well with rabid soccer fanatics, with my friend Jarrett stating “It’s a shitty buzz, Qatar is poo, and their team is crap.” Minus the excremental references, he has a point. Why give it to a country so miniscule in terms of both landmass and population? Because they possess something special that drives the generic 9-to-5ers crazy, of course!

And whenever something prints out money, it’s just so hard for all those to ignore. We all know FIFA couldn’t. Or Donald Trump.

Although, to be fair, Morgan Freeman played a part in screwing over the US’s bid. Yes, your speeches are great, but they’re so…vague. And when you skip a page, it becomes so vague to the point that you seem to be reciting Egyptian hieroglyphs, not speaking English. And as for England? They remain their own worst enemy. The consistency of England to fail globally at the sport it founded is astounding. First, the team failed in South Africa, and now the governing body matches their futility with a horrible showing, placing dead last in the country of Chocolate Army Knives.

Speaking of death by weaponry…

How about this story out of Toronto yesterday? Some 24-year old pulls out a crossbow (!) and shoots his dad – in a library of all places!  

As a law-abiding citizen, I’ve never seen, or heard from anything so ridiculous. Seriously, try to picture this in your head. Crossbow, patricide and library. I can’t, and I have a vivid imagination. Although, to be honest, just what was the motive? And how in the world did this guy get his vicious hands on a crossbow, of all things? The black market? Underground shopping malls? Amazon? Yikes. Seems like SOMEBODY took Black Ops a little too seriously.

Sounds like something not even the Joker would try. If that’s the case, I think we may have to perform a psychological assessment here of his man. Did his father ruin his life to the point where his mind rolled down a steep hill, fell into a bottomless pit, and exploded? Or…was he a 9-to-5er feeling the economic crisis wreak havoc on his psyche? Either way, this is insanity personified – and most definitely not recommended.

Here’s a tip – murder is a stupid thing to do. Especially in a public place. And of all public places, a library is among the worst.  And using something that nobody expects to ever be used as a murder weapon? That’s almost as unpredictable as a giant sword of earth energy piercing you on your way to work.

My point exactly. Could you ever picture THIS?

Although the murder itself was so sudden and unpredictable, I don’t think I’ll be forgetting this one anytime soon...

You know who would like to forget recent events? Try the city of Cleveland. The cesspool of 9-to-5ers, psychotic morons, and raging haters all colluded upon Quicken Loans Arena last night to boo LeBron, labelling him either a quitter, a liar, and an asshole, among other classy descriptions – and they promptly got their asses handed to them by that one man.



The stat line? 38 points on 15 of 25 shots made from the field, 5 rebounds, 8 assists, a steal, a block, and no turnovers.

He didn’t just annihilate everything on site, he silenced a whole city. He bitchslapped them silly. And half an hour of game time was all it took. Yes, LeBron was basically Darth Vader unleashing the Death Star on a hopelessly pathetic franchise and its fans. The signs, the boos, and the profanity didn’t work at all, and even if it did, it only served to propel him on his path of destruction.

You want to know what projectiles were on hand? Surprisingly, only the beer cups. Which essentially means - no crossbows were spotted at the game. There were some fights in the stands, however, with 4 people being arrested and one ejected from the arena. A repeat of Malice At The Palace could very well have begun near the end of the game, with Heat player Eddie House and Cavalier player Daniel Gibson getting into an altercation on the court. Thankfully, nothing occurred, and the game ended like many others before it – with the players walking back to their dressing rooms.

If this game was any proof that karma is a bitch, this is it. Now, will the real city of Cleveland please stand up? Because if you continue to disown your former golden child, you’re well on your pathway towards…

These people fully deserve to be laughed at.  They’ve embarrassed themselves on national TV. It’s like Britney Spears at that awards show a few years back – just completely god-awful and unnecessary.

Alright, I’ve said my pieces for the week. Now, allow the fruits of my mind to settle and remain, for until Monday will I decide to share my wisdom with the public.

Enjoy the weekend, everybody!

Haters Gonna Hate

Welcome back! Today’s words of wisdom are brought to you by the late, great Chris Farley!



Remember kids, ALWAYS listen to Santa!

Now, let’s turn up the heat and get started!

First, we should get the weather out of the way. Today...looks a lot like yesterday. Another ho-hum cloudy, cold and grey day. Although earlier it did snow for a short time, so that’s a good sign! For those who actually like the white stuff, that is.

Can’t say the same about the people in Alberta though, who’ve been absolutely buried with a pile-up of frozen crystal shards lately. Sooner or later they’ll be calling for a rescue team...



Note to self. Never. Ever. Trust. Those. Guys. Especially when Pepsi is involved.

Continuing on, as of today, there’s only 23 days until Christmas! That essentially means 23 more days of making gingerbread houses, 23 more days of opening advent calendars, 23 more days until the eve of the World Juniors, 23 more days of Christmas parties, 23 more days of eating chocolate, and 23 more days of waiting for presents!  So many 23s, you wish LeBron James would have kept the number!

Speaking of which...

Tonight marks the day that a once-loved and now-despised man makes his return to the land he once called his own. With an audience projected to be about the entire population of Canada, Miami Heat superstar forward LeBron James takes to the court against the city to whom he once promised a championship. Expect fireworks, in the form of beer cups and foam fingers being hurled onto the court and a chorus of boos throughout the entire game. I’m all in favour of atmospherical excitement, but let’s just pray it doesn’t escalate into something dangerous.

If we get here...there’s no telling how much trouble the sporting Sahara of the world will find itself digging out of. And not just from the world of roundball.

Listen, Cleveland fans. I sympathise with you and the fact that your superstar ditched your town for the opportunity to win championships. Yes, I also sympathise with the fact that he quit on your team during the playoffs. And yes, I sympathise that he promised to lead your team, and your city, out of the dark and into the light.

But there is no need to label him a fraud. No need to burn to his jerseys. No need to send him and his family death threats.

Your team just wasn’t good enough to win, period. Not enough pieces to complete the puzzle that is, a championship winning team...

“Almost there...OH, FUCK. Man, LeBron’s just gonna be pissed when he hears this...”

That was the situation before. Fast-forward 6 months later, and now? A whole team of cast-aways, former Raptors, and sad sack trash you’d expect to find in places such as your local landfill.

While there won’t be any pitchforks and torches on display at Quicken Loans Arena tonight, there will be a capacity-filled angry mob in attendance just waiting to prey on every mistake, every missed shot, and every bad pass. To add fuel (or in this case, talc) to the fire, LeBron’s pregame ritual tonight will only further agitaite the crowd, and to a greater extent, the whole city.

Here’s a suggestion for these people in the stands - suck it up and purchase some Haterade!

Drink it up, haters, you’re gonna have to! Limited time only! As in tonight.

But why the rage? Why can’t they just accept the fact that everyone, at one time or another, moves on?  If it’s because “he didn’t tell you” he was leaving, consider this. If LeBron James told you that he where he was going beforehand, sooner or later, someone would find out. And then blog about it. Or write a Macbethian-esque soliloquy of how a sword was plunged into your heart. Just because of the way he made “The Decision”, your city has turned into a hateful mosh-pit full of cannibals, men of Irish descent weeping at local pubs, and jersey-torching 9-to-5ers stating things like “In all my days, I’ve never seen a traitor personally hurt people the way he did”.

LeBron's response? See below.

Wait...you haven’t? Try searching through your high school yearbook, I’m sure you’ll find not just one, but several asshats that did just that – to you. Because, more than likely, LeBron doesn’t know you, and is laughing at the fact that you, of all people are taking offense to his personal choices. Just like your 9-to-5 job, he is a working man, and a part of a business. And in the business world, when you’re offered more money, a better situation and a better location (In LeBron’s case - $110 million dollars, playing with Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade, and the chance to move to South Beach) you’re taking it. No ifs, ands or buts. You’d have to be clinically insane to turn an opportunity like this down, or you could be these guys...

Ouch.

In general, haters are misinformed members of the public, and usually rage whenever people disagree with them. This results in the following: trolling, all caps, trolling, getting beaten to death by mudkip, trolling, ragefaces, trolling, dividing by zero and lots of caffeine intake - for late night trolling. Seriously, it’s like wandering into a forest and bumping into a well-placed beehive...and getting swarmed by a group of pissed-off insects with stingers. The point is, these guys are everywhere, and they’ll continue to be everywhere as they spread like the Black Plague. Now, these people may not be disease-carrying rats that multiplied across Europe several centuries ago – but they need to be cleansed. From the inside, out.

My suggestion to these people? When you’re stressed, find some time to chill out and relax. Just don’t overdo it...or you may find yourself struggling with reality.

I realize that haters are gonna hate. It’s just that their beliefs are flawed, and they don’t understand the whole situation...or they just choose not to. Either way, haters are almost always morons.

So if any of you choose to watch LeBron’s return, make sure you hear both sides of the story, and be realistic about it. When people make a decision, they have their reasons, and their reasons are usually valid. No, only if the haters could follow suit.

And that’s all for tonight! Revisit my page tomorrow for more conventional wisdom about today’s society!

I'm Not Gonna Set The World On Fire

Hello everyone! Today’s post is brought to you by the intelligent folks from Channel 10 at 11!

Right…on that note, let’s begin!

Today’s weather appears to mimic the set of a Halloween movie before nightfall. Cold, but not freezing, trees devoid of their fallen leaves, and the seemingly endless gray clouds that smother the sky. A few hours later and we can call Jason to tell him he’s been hired.

Anyways…today’s the first day of December, which means...Advent Calendars! And up here in the Great White North, World Juniors!! Although…this guy won’t be here to save us this time around…



No worries, I’m sure Canada will be able to perform a collective 180° and take back the crown. A new year brings along a new hero, as is usually the case in junior sports competitions. Question is…who will be the villain in this script?

Moving right along…I’ve met my fair share of morons throughout my life, but you have to mention the people that attempt to talk tough, but make themselves look like complete dumbasses…



No word if any of these guys own a Daewoo as well. Even if they did…they’d still be ridiculed for owning something made by a company who divided by zero in 1999.

Also, something else that tends to get on my nerves – whiny people. Too many of them to count. You’ll find them everywhere, whether it be in public or on television, and you have to wonder how the hell can they get way by doing this all their lives.  From experience, I’ve known that spoiled brats are the anti-thesis of everything good in the world. To be concise – no individuality, no spirit, and no heart.

Not pictured: A man who can hold himself, and not others, accountable.

You know, I wish all of these people just confess one day and say “I FUCKED UP.” Then the world would be a better place, and life goes on. Right? Wrong. I highly doubt any one person will change the perception of a global population of 6 billion. You’ll never convince the city of Toronto to cheer for Vince Carter ever again. Same goes for LeBron James and Cleveland. Or convince a bear not to tear you to pieces. And the list goes on.

The bottom line? You can’t coach with em, can’t win with em, can’t play with em, can’t do it. We (and to a greater extent, the world) need winners, not whiners.

Thank you, Mike Singletary. Hopefully you keep your job after this season. Either way, you are a winner.

The whiners, the egotistical maniacs, and hopeless morons are what I like to call “inadequate use of public space”. In other words, garbage that needs to be burned out of the public eye.

Now, I’m not gonna set the world on fire over this...or should I?

Anyways...enough about that. Let’s move on to something more joyful...like Christmas!

Now that the craziness of Black Friday is over, people will be settling into a daily routine consisting of building gingerbread houses, mailing letters to Santa, opening advent calendars, going to Christmas parties, and eating chocolate. Or so the news believes you to think...the very same people that have such a distorted and hilarious artistic sense. Since when is drawing a stick-man Santa an achievement for crying out loud?

Scary. But not quite as bad as the occasional Christmas Carolers showing up and ringing your doorbell. Especially when they're tone deaf. However, I've seen worse recitations...

Maybe not as horriful as this video is, but you get the point.

An insightful question: Have you ever seen or known anybody that tends to celebrate holidays just a bit too early? Like putting out their Christmas decorations at the beginning of November and have their house look like something out of The Santa Clause?

If so, you’re not alone. And if you’re one of these people who does do this...here’s a present! Merry Christmas!

What I’d like to say to one of these people is, “Why do you even bother? Don’t you have something better to do in your lives?” Then, they’ll give you the inevitable “I take care of my family and work 9-to-5” speech. How unoriginal. Doesn’t almost everybody?

You have to love the absurd side of society. They attempt to explain why they do things like this, but end up confusing themselves, and everyone else around them by using stupid rhetoric. A.k.a they don’t think. They just spout out the first thing that comes to mind, and usually end up regretting it.

These “Early Christmas” people really need to get a life. And by that, I don’t mean the 9-to-5ers and family feuds.  No need to go all Scrooge on me either.

A friend of mine brought up that some people call their Christmas trees “holiday” trees...this is what comes to mind.

...dear god...

Do you seriously want to know what I have to say about this? For video game fanatics, the equivalent would be calling Link “Zelda” as his games are titled The Legend Of Zelda, and Samus “Metroid” as her games are titled Metroid. Get it right people! You’re just proving that society’s getting dumber with each generation! Seriously, holiday trees? WTF? Next thing you know, people like Al Gore and Paris Hilton will be telling us to get holiday trees in downtown Los Angeles. It doesn’t take rocket science to figure out that Christmas trees are never used, and should not be used for anything else but Christmas. And to the morons that do...congratulations, you’ve failed miserably! What, do you want a cookie?

Although...it’s not as bad as calling a butterfly a horse.



Note to self...if I ever own a horse, I’m calling it Butterfree, not Rapidash.

Quote of the Day: “When you’re Russian for food, there’s no time for Stalin.”

On that note, I need something to eat. Come back again for more truthful analysis tomorrow!

And if you’d like, give me something to talk about in the comments!

The Dawn Of Greatness

What’s up everybody? Welcome to The Mind Of Zander, where I’ll be blogging about many different things, some you may like, and some you don’t. Let’s just say, there’s something for everybody.

Well, where do I begin?

The weather’s cold, the sky’s dark, and the house is in one place. One of my classmates came back from Belarus today with a cut on his knuckle. When I asked him about it, the guy simply replied “The country was so depressing, it makes you emo.”

If he said that 30 years ago, he’s a dead man.

Nowadays...this kind of stuff would make the evening news! I don't know if that proves how embarrasingly bad news stations as a whole have become but you have to admit - nowadays, an average man gets home from his 9-to-5 and changes the channel to CTV/A-Channel/<insert news channel here> and isn't sure if he's watching informative television, or sadistic torture.
 


The three main topics that make up an evening newscast, you ask? Hypocrisy, stupidity, and 50 percenters. A.k.a THE SAME THING.

I also sold some chocolates today. Came across some people who didn’t like caramel. You’ve gotta be kidding me. That’s usually a major selling point in these things in the first place! The almonds I understand, people have nut allergies. But caramel? Man…even Cristiano Ronaldo wouldn’t complain about such travesties.



On second thought...maybe he would.

Then there’s always the type of people who ask for one and promise (or so they believe) to pay you later. Thanks, but no thanks. And people wonder why the economy in Europe is plummeting about as fast as Metal Mario falling off of an airplane? Well, this is your answer. Too many I.O.U’s that don’t disclose a return address.

A night in Ireland won't quite be the same in this. Before the country's recent money crisis, people would fight each other in the streets and then buy beers together, all in one night. Now...I don't think they'll even get to the beers, thus leaving it all on the streets - the blood, that is.

Case in point - a massacre waiting to happen.

Here’s an interesting question: Would you hire a teenage computer repairman to fix your damaged computer – if that same person just recently installed his power supply upside-down on his own computer? Get back to me later on that.

I’ve also got an Asian buddy of mine I see every morning. Smart kid, but he’s gambling away his future. How, you ask? Instead of making websites, he consistently eats away his time playing Shoddy Battle, a popular Pokemon simulator. He’s got a complex flash website due in about 2 weeks, and he hasn’t completed anything. Pack your luggage my friend, cuz eventually, you're gonna be...

Sorry, I had to. I don’t like watching my friends fail, to be honest, but he’s well on his way.

I’m sure many of you have known a girl who tries to convince people that she isn’t a slut or a whore, but her actions, looks and personality prove otherwise. This calls for a lot of facepalming and, when they show their true colors, the need to shout:


Oh, everybody knew that, alright – except for the slut, that is.

Back to the power supply fiasco – it has to be mentioned twice, as it’s fairly significant. Oh yeah, isn’t paper a fire hazard? That’s what the resident genius used to hold his upside-down power supply. One bad thing leads to another, to a point where it becomes so moronic it’s laughable.



Moral of the story - make sure you hire someone qualified. ALWAYS.

Something I love about society - paranoia. It's everywhere, ranging from the Korean Peninsula, where war could break out at any moment, and England, who may have had their 2018 World Cup bid jeopardized by the soccer-crazed British tabloids.

North Korea's no secret. Everyone's known that this shambles of a country is being run to the ground by a midget given far too much leeway. They've also been responsible for crazy biased news stories, such as praising their "dear" leader, glamourizing the "workers", and twisting real-life headlines and propaganda to the point where they become absolutely hilarious - and maddening.

Sadly, this is not the case. There's only one thing that they're good at, and that's hiding the truth.

Keeping on topic about hiding the truth...the thing about tabloids and the paparazzi is that they don't care what they write or investigate about, as long as it's for personal gain. They'll even frame each other for these stories. Which brings to mind this:

People = Time x Money

Time = Money

Power = Money

Money = (sqrt)Evil

Money^2 = Evil

Money^2 = People

People = Evil

If you didn't know already, time is money, and money is power. Money is also seen as the root of all evil, while by nature, people are inherently evil.

Jake Hovin, quote of the day: "Dylan does it soft, I do it hard."

That's all my mind has to offer today. Check back tomorrow for more clever insight!