Haters Gonna Hate

Welcome back! Today’s words of wisdom are brought to you by the late, great Chris Farley!



Remember kids, ALWAYS listen to Santa!

Now, let’s turn up the heat and get started!

First, we should get the weather out of the way. Today...looks a lot like yesterday. Another ho-hum cloudy, cold and grey day. Although earlier it did snow for a short time, so that’s a good sign! For those who actually like the white stuff, that is.

Can’t say the same about the people in Alberta though, who’ve been absolutely buried with a pile-up of frozen crystal shards lately. Sooner or later they’ll be calling for a rescue team...



Note to self. Never. Ever. Trust. Those. Guys. Especially when Pepsi is involved.

Continuing on, as of today, there’s only 23 days until Christmas! That essentially means 23 more days of making gingerbread houses, 23 more days of opening advent calendars, 23 more days until the eve of the World Juniors, 23 more days of Christmas parties, 23 more days of eating chocolate, and 23 more days of waiting for presents!  So many 23s, you wish LeBron James would have kept the number!

Speaking of which...

Tonight marks the day that a once-loved and now-despised man makes his return to the land he once called his own. With an audience projected to be about the entire population of Canada, Miami Heat superstar forward LeBron James takes to the court against the city to whom he once promised a championship. Expect fireworks, in the form of beer cups and foam fingers being hurled onto the court and a chorus of boos throughout the entire game. I’m all in favour of atmospherical excitement, but let’s just pray it doesn’t escalate into something dangerous.

If we get here...there’s no telling how much trouble the sporting Sahara of the world will find itself digging out of. And not just from the world of roundball.

Listen, Cleveland fans. I sympathise with you and the fact that your superstar ditched your town for the opportunity to win championships. Yes, I also sympathise with the fact that he quit on your team during the playoffs. And yes, I sympathise that he promised to lead your team, and your city, out of the dark and into the light.

But there is no need to label him a fraud. No need to burn to his jerseys. No need to send him and his family death threats.

Your team just wasn’t good enough to win, period. Not enough pieces to complete the puzzle that is, a championship winning team...

“Almost there...OH, FUCK. Man, LeBron’s just gonna be pissed when he hears this...”

That was the situation before. Fast-forward 6 months later, and now? A whole team of cast-aways, former Raptors, and sad sack trash you’d expect to find in places such as your local landfill.

While there won’t be any pitchforks and torches on display at Quicken Loans Arena tonight, there will be a capacity-filled angry mob in attendance just waiting to prey on every mistake, every missed shot, and every bad pass. To add fuel (or in this case, talc) to the fire, LeBron’s pregame ritual tonight will only further agitaite the crowd, and to a greater extent, the whole city.

Here’s a suggestion for these people in the stands - suck it up and purchase some Haterade!

Drink it up, haters, you’re gonna have to! Limited time only! As in tonight.

But why the rage? Why can’t they just accept the fact that everyone, at one time or another, moves on?  If it’s because “he didn’t tell you” he was leaving, consider this. If LeBron James told you that he where he was going beforehand, sooner or later, someone would find out. And then blog about it. Or write a Macbethian-esque soliloquy of how a sword was plunged into your heart. Just because of the way he made “The Decision”, your city has turned into a hateful mosh-pit full of cannibals, men of Irish descent weeping at local pubs, and jersey-torching 9-to-5ers stating things like “In all my days, I’ve never seen a traitor personally hurt people the way he did”.

LeBron's response? See below.

Wait...you haven’t? Try searching through your high school yearbook, I’m sure you’ll find not just one, but several asshats that did just that – to you. Because, more than likely, LeBron doesn’t know you, and is laughing at the fact that you, of all people are taking offense to his personal choices. Just like your 9-to-5 job, he is a working man, and a part of a business. And in the business world, when you’re offered more money, a better situation and a better location (In LeBron’s case - $110 million dollars, playing with Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade, and the chance to move to South Beach) you’re taking it. No ifs, ands or buts. You’d have to be clinically insane to turn an opportunity like this down, or you could be these guys...

Ouch.

In general, haters are misinformed members of the public, and usually rage whenever people disagree with them. This results in the following: trolling, all caps, trolling, getting beaten to death by mudkip, trolling, ragefaces, trolling, dividing by zero and lots of caffeine intake - for late night trolling. Seriously, it’s like wandering into a forest and bumping into a well-placed beehive...and getting swarmed by a group of pissed-off insects with stingers. The point is, these guys are everywhere, and they’ll continue to be everywhere as they spread like the Black Plague. Now, these people may not be disease-carrying rats that multiplied across Europe several centuries ago – but they need to be cleansed. From the inside, out.

My suggestion to these people? When you’re stressed, find some time to chill out and relax. Just don’t overdo it...or you may find yourself struggling with reality.

I realize that haters are gonna hate. It’s just that their beliefs are flawed, and they don’t understand the whole situation...or they just choose not to. Either way, haters are almost always morons.

So if any of you choose to watch LeBron’s return, make sure you hear both sides of the story, and be realistic about it. When people make a decision, they have their reasons, and their reasons are usually valid. No, only if the haters could follow suit.

And that’s all for tonight! Revisit my page tomorrow for more conventional wisdom about today’s society!